I'm not one of those people who believes in fate or who thinks that everything happens for a reason. I firmly believe that our life is shaped by the decisions made by us and those around us. However, today I had the most supremely awful day at work and I started to wonder whether some days are just destined to be rubbish.
We have yet another open day tomorrow (the last one of the set!) and in the staff briefing this morning people kept suggesting things that were put down for me to action before 1pm when we were going to set up. Usually I just organise my time well, make lots of lists and everything gets done, but I hate having lots to do suddenly in a short period of time and I was on the verge of feeling stressed. At this point the catering lady chose to come in and mouth off once again about the fact that we're offering vouchers to our cafes this time instead of having a free catering table in the main building. Now if someone told me I didn't have to work on Saturday I'd be overjoyed, but apparently she has a greviance against the VC (who told us to try this so our cafes would make more money) and everyone below her who has any hand in the open days, and she feels the need to make her feelings known at every possible opportunity. Usually I just ignore her, but her timing today meant that by the time she'd finished I was about ready to burst into tears, which would have been fine if a little embarrassing had I just done that, but unfortunately I chose to utter the choice phrase "fucking hell" when I thought she'd left the room, and then turn round mid-tears to see that actually she was still there.
I was so cross with myself for the rest of the day, because however stupid I am in normal life, at work I always try to be professional and I've got really good at not being upset by people who obviously don't have anything against me personally. Today I managed to blow it in quite spectacular style in front of my line manager and our Deputy Director, and while they were very understanding I just felt so unprofessional and juvenile, and I feel like I've kind of screwed any chances I had of getting promoted in our office (I'm sure it's not that bad but it feels like it at the moment!). Then this afternoon Mike told us he's got a new job, and his role is the one I'd feel most confident about going for - I don't think I have enough experience yet but I'm definitely not thinking about it now having proved to the office that I can't deal with stress. My manager complimented me on Monday for never flapping in a crisis, and look at me now!
Anyway, I started thinking - everything happened today due to bad timing, so was I destined to have a bad day despite my actions? In the end I decided not, as I could have handled the situation better had I thought about it. Plus this evening instead of going home and wallowing in self-pity I chose to go to the gym which made me feel miles better. Of course, we can't control everything that happens but I think if we think positively, as I usually do, things will generally turn out alright in the end. This was neatly demonstrated as I was walking home having finally decided that maybe life wasn't so rubbish after all - one of the choicer members of Leamington's chav brigade decided to invite me to "Go fuck yourself" which momentarily made me feel slightly crap, but I cheered myself up by responding (not out loud obviously, I'm not stupid) that actually I probably would have to as no-one else was going to do it for me. I think as long as you can still make yourself laugh you're not doing too badly!